There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
