never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
