We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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