i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
