there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
