PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
