Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
