did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
