Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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