i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
