whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
