i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
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