Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
