Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
