Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize