I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
