He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
