i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Randomize
