Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
