Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
