your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize