we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
