Please don't use social media to get back at me.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
