dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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