he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
