its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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