okay pat passed out under dana's car
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
