woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
