I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
