a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
