Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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