You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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