I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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