If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
