my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
