It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
