i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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