Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
