Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
