he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
