I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Everclear isn't food dammit
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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