He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
