Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
My feet surprised me
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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