At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
