Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
