you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
