It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize