What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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