I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
