either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
