Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize