Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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