I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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