dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
