If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
