I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
