and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
