hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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