Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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