I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
