I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
