I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
