I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize