Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Mom said you looked used
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
