Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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