Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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