he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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