I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She even gives head with a lisp.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
